The Weirdest Win You'll Ever See

Let me set up a scenario for you. A football team goes on the road one weekend; they’re playing in a hostile environment notorious for disrupting the normal functions of its opponents.

This particular football team marches into that stadium, and falls flat on its face. The offense only tallies 119 yards of total offense, including only 20 through the air, gains only seven first downs, and gets penalized 11 times.

How do you think they fared? Barring a worse performance than that (somehow) from the home team, common sense would tell you that this poor team was probably blown out.

What if I told you that everything I just described to you really happened? And that it happened just this past weekend, to the Missouri Tigers, on the road against Florida?

Now, what if I told you that they won the game? And won it 42-13?

Let that sink in for a second. It’s fine, I’ll wait.

If you don’t believe me, go check the score. Missouri 42, Florida 13. 119 yards of offense, which is just one part of the equation of weirdness going on here.

How does any team win with only 119 yards of offense? And how on earth do they roll up 42 points?

It started with the opening kickoff. Marcus Murphy of Missouri raced 96 yards for the game’s first points, and ten seconds into the game, the Tigers were up by seven.

The strangest victory you’d ever see had begun. But the real madness didn’t begin until the third quarter.

Already up by 20, Missouri tacked on another touchdown in the form of a Marcus Murphy punt return. 28-0, Tigers, after the two-point conversion. Five minutes later, Gators quarterback Jeff Driskel is sacked and fumbles the ball, which is recovered by Missouri and returned for a touchdown. 35-0.

Next drive, the embattled quarterback was picked off for the second time that afternoon, and after it was returned for the score that put Missouri up 42-0, Muschamp pulled him.

Freshman Treon Harris didn’t fare much better, although he did account for two touchdowns to help the Gators avoid the shutout.

But still the question remains: how has Florida become so incompetent that it can lose by 29 points despite holding its opponent to 119 yards?

Six turnovers doesn’t help, especially when two of them account directly for touchdowns. You also can’t give up touchdowns on kickoff and punt returns in the same game.

Those are the second and third variables to the equation of weirdness, by the way: defense and special teams. Where Missouri was completely helpless on offense, it more than made up for in spectacular defensive and special teams play.

And Florida could do nothing to turn themselves around. All they did was shoot themselves in the foot, an increasingly common occurrence under Muschamp’s leadership the past three years.

While Missouri’s offense was statistically horrendous (six of 18 for 20 yards and a pick, really Maty Mauk?), Florida’s was somehow worse.

If you want an exaggerated, dramatized, but true representation of how the past two years of Florida football have been, look no further than this loss.

I still have no idea what kind of team Missouri is, and I’m not sure they do either, but this game shows us everything we need to know about the Gators, all neatly placed in one corner.

Just as they have in every big test they’ve encountered lately, Florida gave this game away more than Missouri won it. I’m talking about six turnovers and a failed fourth down attempt early in the first quarter.

I’m talking about the lack of leadership on the Florida sideline. I’m talking about the lack of energy, the lack of real passion.

Everyone in Gainesville now knows without a doubt that Muschamp’s time is up. It’s just a matter of when and where he’s ushered out of office.

Let’s make one thing perfectly clear: Missouri is not the team they were last season.

Yes, they are talented, and yes, they still a chance to win the dumpster fire we’re calling the SEC East. But they are nowhere close to elite, and would probably be last in the SEC West.

And that’s why this win was the weirdest win ever. From the opening kickoff, Florida was reeling. Even though they more than doubled Missouri’s offensive output, they were somehow playing from behind the entire game.

In a game where the players should have been fighting for their season and their coach’s job in front of their home crowd, the Florida Gators fell flat on their faces.

Missouri was giving Florida every chance to get a big win. Their longest drive was 55 yards. The second longest? 24.

In a game that any team in the SEC West would have won by at least 35, Florida got blown out.

And it’s because the Gators can’t get out of their own way. It doesn’t matter who their quarterback is. It doesn’t matter how good their defense is.

Sometime between the 2012 and 2013 seasons, this team lost its true belief that it can win.

That’s the only reason that a team fighting for its life in its division gives up touchdowns on a kick return, punt return, interception, and fumble all in one game.

It’s the only reason a home team loses 42-13 to a squad that scored one offensive touchdown.

This truly was the weirdest win I’ve ever seen in my life. In a way, it didn’t seem like anybody really won.